Students Can Leave Me Speechless - In Three Parts

PART ONE

It is that time in the semester when the emails happen...

I am having trouble turning in my assignments and I'm afraid I won't be able to pass your class.

Yes, those two things are usually connected.

I don't want to fail your class for this semester.

That is a good goal.

I have been late turning in half my assignments and essays and sometimes I don't turn in either.

Oh. That's not good.

I need some extra time to do what you assign me in class and at home. I have one other class I am worried about and I am afraid of failing too, I can't handle both classes at the same time with the fact that our assignments are due the next day.

You are aware that you have a syllabus with all of our assignments and due dates? You can plan ahead if you know you are going to be busy. Also, I have to say that while I do give homework every night, those little grammar assignments? Yeah, they take like 15 minutes. I don't know why you are failing your other class, but it sounds like you just don't know how to plan your time. It is almost the end of the semester and you have just now realized that you have this problem?

The hardest part for me is to do well in your class because I know I am good at English and what I don't know is why I am failing.

Actually, I think you just told me why you're failing.

PLEASE HELP ME FROM MAKING THESE MISTAKES I DON'T WANT TO FAIL YOUR CLASS.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHAT IS UP WITH THE YELLING? WHEN WILL PEOPLE LEARN THAT ALL CAPS EQUATES TO YELLING? ::cough:: Sorry about that, let me take it down to an inside voice.

Oh, student who sends me such a ridiculous email late on a Sunday night before class so close to the end of the semester. Oh, student whose email is riddled with misspellings and weird mistakes. What does one do with you? I'll send you back one of my most teacherly emails ever, ask questions, point out that I have already tried to be helpful and lenient, and remind you of the drop date. Oh hey, and here you are in class today? Decided not to take my advice? Okay, let's keep hoping for that miracle and please don't retake this class with me when you continue not to turn in your work.

*****
PART TWO

There is a section I teach where I get to show this image:



My students, who really tend to be quite conservative, are always disgusted. I'll ask questions about artistic merit, intention, and censorship. This year was no different on the questions I ask, but was different on an answer I received.

Remember Pat? Pat is older than the rest of the class by a good 25-30 years, so s/he took a leadership role when the Beatles image was shown: "Let me tell you about the Beatles...it's like...how can I explain this? Okay, it's like you have to understand...they had evil spirits running through their bodies that would make them do these demonic things. The meat and baby doll bodies-it's because of bodily sin. All those artists had the evil spirits."

Evil Spir-...demonic....meat...evil spirits? I...what?

That was a new response, to say the least. I was a little impressed at Pat's connection between meat and a bodily existence, but I was a bit taken back and basically ended up ignoring that whole explanation. My experience has not yet taught me what to do when people bring "evil spirits" into the classroom, and my instincts are usually a little too blunt to be relied on all the time.

**********
PART THREE

I was walking into class when Student X stopped me in the hallway.

"Hey Mrs. EA, I just wanted to apologize for not being in class the other day, I had an HIV test."

"Oh!" It slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it, and I felt my eyebrows jump high on my face.

"It was negative," Student X continued reassuringly.

"Well, that's good." Again, it just slipped out. What does one say to this kind of thing?

"Yep, just wanted to let you know."

Thanks.

Hitting Cars

I mentioned on my last post that I was finally observed at my place of employment. Like I also said, it went really, really well and the observer told me that he/she was planning on leaving the class early, but my lecture was so interesting that he/she stayed the whole period. Go me!

I practically skipped to my car that day. Once inside my car, I threw my bag in the backseat, opened up my sunroof (moonroof? whatever), grabbed an apple, changed my radio over to listen to my favorite NPR show, and put on a pair of sunglasses. Then I proceeded to back up into another car.

Damn. There went that great day!

I ran out of my car and apologized profusely. Luckily I was just backing out, so the force of impact was not severe. The person said that he/she had been behind me for "a long time." I can't believe I didn't see a car behind me and I felt like such an idiot. Though, I have to say, that I found it a little odd that a car would choose to just sit behind another car that is on and probably about to pull out of a spot. Also, this person started out a sentence with, "When a student backed up into me a year ago..." Wow, this person has some bad luck if he/she is routinely being backed up into by other cars.

Anyway, we exchanged numbers and he/she called me yesterday to say there was no damage so we are all good. That was my first, and hopefully last, accident.

Other than a student mixing up the words "plant" and "planet," teaching has been kind of slow. They just got off spring break, so I know their sights are on the end of the semester. I've got to make sure to stay motivated but I'm looking forward to summer too!

This is not a good way to focus...

So after adjuncting for a few years, I was finally observed while teaching this past week. I do not do well when I am nervous, so I am so glad that I have that experience under my belt. I was very lucky as the person who observed me came in on my absolute favorite day/unit to teach and that my class was very engaged (which was a big surprise for this class). I don't want to say too much about it, but I felt very confident at the end of that class and I was very happy to see the comments from the observation. Whew!

Now it's Saturday night and I am here in my home office with piles and piles of work staring at me. Ugh. I've been very unmotivated lately and weekends are difficult. A group of friends all went out of town this weekend and it is hard to explain to the non-academic folks how my weekends are for work. Just like my weekdays. And weeknights.

Unfortunely, I am the worst with time management. The things I have to do? Yeah, they should already be done. But here I am, wasting time on my blog while I have various pictures frames on the floor because I'm also trying to set up a picture wall in our hallway. I need to stop.

Alright, enough! Have a lovely weekend and I will now cross off at least two items off my list before the night ends!

Help, Please

Can someone please do all my grading for me? Please? I don't know if I have strength enough for this:

I think new is more fearful because you do not know what is coming towards you, you won’t know if you will be ready for it or not, maybe you won’t know to you will face it but on the other hand, with old you knew what had happened and you either took care of it situation or you learned deal with it.

I have seriously been trying to read this sentence for the past five minutes, and I have yet to get through the entire thing.

Sooo....any takers?

Why I Never Can Get Anything Done...

I had not written anything in my notebook for maybe a minute, and somebody decided that was the perfect (would "purrfect" have been to much? I think so) place to rest.

This is a daily battle. This particular feline friend becomes very aggressively affectionate anytime I am reading or on my computer and I'm not sure how well you can tell in the picture, but she is extremely furry. I'll be reading or typing and all of a sudden this giant raccoon-like tail is being swished across my face. Not cool, kitty, not cool.




GET OUT OF THE WAY!

Let's Have a Cheery Day Before the Meltdown

What a great, positive day today has turned out to be!

First, good day sunshine! Bright, warm, glorious sunshine! I haven't seen it in months, especially for hours on end! I am looking outside right now and there is not a cloud in the sky. I hope it lasts as it put me in a good mood right away today.

Then, I'm driving to work and the radio decides to play nothing but my guilty pleasure songs! It started with some guilty pleasure songs from my high school years, some cheery Big Country, and followed by a great R&B song by an artist known mostly for his abs. Needless to say, I got out of my car with a spring in my step.

How could this day get any better, you ask? Two words: copy machine. Scratch that, three words: new copy machine. Yes, a new copy machine can make me dance for joy these days. On campus, copy machines are usually hidden in tiny dark rooms which are hidden throughout the buildings. Each room only contains one machine and chances are, it isn't working. In the building where I teach and where the English department resides (as well as another department), there are two copy machines. These two machines are on opposite sides of the building, on completely different floors. For the past two weeks, one of those machines has been broken. It has not been fun.

So imagine my delight when I walked into the room with the one working copy machine and found two machines! I might have squealed. Two working machines in one room? Oh my god, what a relief. I made copies while somebody else made copies. I didn't have to wait. It was terrific. Someone had even left a note on the machine that said, "Yahoo! Thank you so much for the new machine!" Never in my life did I think a copy machine would excite me so.

The good mood continues! Even though I am stressing over a presentation and a paper that are due Monday on a book that I am still reading, that is okay. I may have plans that I can't cancel on Friday night and Saturday, but I am not stressed. The wifi here at this cafe is a little slow, but that's okay.

It's these little things that keep me from exploding and then melting in a puddle of anxiety. Sun, songs, copy machine. Sun, songs, copy machine. Sun, songs, copy machine. Deep breath.